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Tag Archives: humility

Wrestling with God

Like Jacob, I wrestle.

         I wrestle with you the whole night, until that sacred touch upon my joints, the touch that leaves me healed and humble.

         I am healed for all my strivings, all my manipulations come to naught, in the recognition that I cannot win my own life, make my own way, find my own destiny, but can only entrust myself to the love and mercy of the one who loves enough to come and wrestle. 

        And I am left with an eternal reminder, that despite all my axious plans and pursuits, that it is You who creates and sustains.        

        It is You that attends the daily walk of the crippled one that I am.  It is grace that calls me to walk with You.

Like Jacob, I wrestle until I trust the ladder is for real.  

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Posted by on September 27, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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Dependent

God,

I am dependent.  Dependent on You, dependent on others, dependent on creation.

Even the IRS knows about “dependents.”  Those people who cannot or do not live on their own, those people who need help with a place to live, food to eat, provisions for life which they cannot secure for themselves.  There are many dependents, we are all dependents. I am a dependent.  I am dependent on You, O Lord.

I cannot live on my own. I cannot provide for all I need.  I cannot anticipate all that might come my way.

I cannot resist temptations. I cannot love as I ought. I cannot always behave rightly and not behave badly.

I cannot control everything.  I cannot control emotions. I cannot control myself.

I cannot save myself. I cannot change my ways alone. I cannot live like You.

In the midst of all “I cannot,” I am forced to recognize what has always been true of humanity since Adam and Eve, what we seem unable or unwilling to admit and embrace.

I am dependent O Lord!  I am dependent on You, dependent on others, and dependent on your graciousness in creation.

Lord Jesus, provide for all who are dependent on You. Amen.

 

 
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Posted by on March 29, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Prayer of Samson (Judges 16)

I shall get what I want by playing the game; I shall get what I want for I am strong.

I grow weary of the game, but I shall get what I want. I want and I shall satisfy.

I am tired to death, the game is over, I have lost the heart for it, I’ll tell her my truth.

“I will go out as in others times and set myself free!”  I am strong! I shall be free!

BUT, I did not know that the LORD had LEFT me! 

Why should I have discerned such a thing, have I ever been aware of Your presence Lord?  I have been doing and working and playing and fighting and winning with the strength of my might.  Yet, now I lament as I feel the gouge, the pain, and the limits of my might and my strength. I am alone; the sport of the woman and the men who surround me. I am weak and lost and all alone.

“Lord God, remember me and strengthen me this once more…I am man, not mighty, not god…Come back for I can only find strength and help in the One from who all might is to be found. So remember me and strengthen me this once more O Lord.” Hear my prayer.

 
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Posted by on October 13, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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I used to think…

I used to think I was quite capable, able to succeed at anything I set out to accomplish;

now, I often wonder if I am capable of anything that matters.

I used to think I was a servant; now, I often wonder if I simply serve my own interests and desires.

I used to think I was free; now, I often contemplate all the binds me.

I used to think I had many answers; now, I often marvel at the number of questions.

I used to think was strong; now, I often feel weak.

I used to think I was holy and just; now, I am often confronted with my sin and failures.

I used to think I trusted in God perfectly;

now, I see how often I act in fear and betray my unbelief.

I used to think that I was mature; now, I simply wonder if I will ever grow up.

I used to think that God is loving and present and active in His world; this I still believe. I pray that I might hold to Him and join Him in His creative, sustaining, loving action in the world.

Lord, hear my prayer.  Lord, have mercy!

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Posted by on October 3, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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“The Bartimaeus Prayer” – Prayers from Mark 10:35-52

“Teacher, we want you to do something for us?”

“What do you want me to do for you?”

“Grant us to sit, one at your right hand and one at your left, in your glory.”

“You don’t know what you are asking. Are you able to drink my cup or be baptized with my baptism?”

“Sure we can. We have been hanging with you quite some time now Jesus, we got this!”

Like James and John I come to you Jesus. I have lots of ideas of what you can do for me. Lots of confidence in my potential to be in charge with you. Lots of confidence in how well I have everything figured out and in place. Well sort of…I still don’t quite get that stuff about going up to Jerusalem and being condemned and mocked and flogged and spit upon and killed. But I am here, with you Jesus, committed and strong, and ready to take the great blessings and public positions you have for me.

Forgive O God, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Bring pause to my life to stop, to reflect, to understand what you are up to, to learn and to love. Forgive O God, for the self-centered desires emerging even in the midst of the desire to serve, the mixed motivations, the hidden heart that is revealed in quiet and stillness before you.

“Take heart, get up, Jesus is calling you.”

“What do you want me to do for you?”

“Teacher, I want to see.”

“Go; your faith has made you well again.”

“Lord, I want to see. I want to see clearly. Help me to see and follow you on the way. Amen.”

Prayers from Mark 10:35ff

 

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Change my heart, O God

God of Grace and God of Greatness, You bless us this morning with Your presence.  We are humbled as we consider our place before You.  God of Love and God of Mercy, You bless us this morning with Your Presence.   We are thankful as we consider how You have lavished us with your everlasting love.  Thank You Father, Thank You Jesus, Thank You Holy Spirit.

Change.  Lord that is a word we do not like.  Change.  It brings out our deepest fears, plays on our insecurities, leaves us nothing to fall back on but You.  And perhaps that is why life never stays the same, that it is constantly changing; so that we might learn in simple faith to fall in your arms of love and power.

And so we pray this day O Lord, as your people.

Change us. Change our hearts.

            Change our fear into faith, our weakness into strength.

            Change our sinfulness to faithfulness, our despair into hope.

            Change our pride to humility, our loss to gain.

            Change our desires that we may desire only You.

            Change our minds where we have thought wrongly.

            Change our actions, where we have behaved wrongly toward You and toward others.

            Change our hearts, where we have labored to hold on to grudges, bitterness, and anger;

            Change our hearts to forgive as you have forgiven, to love as your have loved us.

            Change our cowardice to boldness in our witness to You.

            Change our priorities, to care about that which you care about: people, lives, love.

            Change our worship, that we may honor You more than pleasing ourselves.

Change us.  Yet not just us O Lord. Change our church, change Your church!  Change our nation, our leaders, those who influence our society. Change the world, bring peace where there is war; help where there are needy, good where there is evil, love where there is hate.

Change our hearts O God.  Through Jesus Christ our Lord we pray. Amen

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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